Cry Baby

And how!

When Sid was little baby, when his only option of communication was crying, he hardly ever came about as the crying kind. In fact, he cried very, very less. And so, every time he did cry I used to get extremely worried because I knew he wouldn't scream out like that with no good reason. A lot of people have criticized me saying "babies do cry", "Just leave him alone for some time" and other such stuff. I do agree with them, except, as a mother, one instinctively knows how much a child will react to various scenarios and discomforts and so, she will react when she believes the level of discomfort needs addressing. 

Anyway, I am digressing. Yes, so as a baby Sid did not cry at all. And now, here I am wishing he had just finished his crying quota right then. As a little baby, everything would have been brushed off under "how else will he let me know he is hungry/sleepy/thirsty/wet etc." And now? Now there is JUST NO EXCUSE.

Sid's temper tantrums redefine the term "Terrible Twos". And to think, this is actually a positive development stage, because most normally developing babies do go through this at around this age. In fact, as some experts put it "...you should always remember that your child isn't trying to be defiant or rebellious on purpose. He is just trying to express his growing independence and doesn't have the language skills to easily express his needs. This can also be the reason why your toddler frequently gets frustrated and resorts to hitting, biting, and temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way."

So, what do I say to myself when Sid is bawling at the top of his voice at 9 in the night asking to be taken to the park? I say "Yay! My son has developed into his next stage. Let's celebrate!" NOT.

In the best of times, I say (or think), "You KNOW the language. In fact, you speak it better than me. So, speak it to tell me instead of bawling and more importantly LISTEN to what I am saying because I know very well that you understand it". And, this is the best of times. (Sigh! I know. Don't shake your head, please.) 

But anyways, this is the stage where we are.Thing is, when in a decent mood, if Sid is told why he can't have/do a thing or go to a certain place, he is a very manageable. Calm, logical explanation is accepted without any tantrums at all and I LOVE him for that and feel so proud of him (as well as myself. :D)

But, if this happens when he is a little tired or close to sleep time, then hell hath no fury like....etc. etc. And, if he really doesn't manage to provoke me into refusing him anything normal, then he just picks up the weirdest of things he can ask for at that time of the night, knowing I'll have to refuse. Something like "I WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO RIGHT NOW" at sleep time. And, the moment I open my mouth to explain calmly how all the animals might have gone to sleep, and locked the gate behind them, like we do at home (logic that he usually understands and even loves to imagine, at other times) he scrunches up his face, and starts his ear splitting scream. And in two seconds of the start of this pretend cry, the tears start to rain. No. Pour. The crying happens in so much shock and angst, you would think I denied him something that he NEVER imagined could be denied and that was the most essential and obvious things he should have gotten at that moment. And then, because if not stemmed early, this crying goes on to a crescendo where he becomes unable to stop till the coughing and hiccuping start, I do everything from coaxing and explaining, to threatening (everything wrong, according to parenting experts) to get him to stop! Oh! this is a daily routine I am never going to get used to. Next stage please, already!!!

Anyways, the one good thing we do here is, after he has calmed down, Sid and I have a heart to heart where I ask him why he cried. His usual answer "I don't know". Then I ask him what he got from all that crying. He says "you scolded me and got upset. Nothing else". 

So I tell him (every single time, every single day) that crying gets us nothing. Cry if you are sad or hurt or upset but not because you want to throw a tantrum or think it will get you anything. I know he doesn't understand most of this right now. But, I also know this is one of the things I really want him to know, to eventually understand. The stages will come and go, but I think the life lesson needs to be learnt. The spoilt brat phase needs to be avoided.

I also know that all that scene we had and the "stop crying"s he heard would have created an unpleasantness that will only go away when we talk calmly about this topic, then about other things and till I tell him I love him, to which he usually quickly smiles, gives me a hug and sometimes promptly goes to sleep in my arms.

Know this baby, arguments and "fights" are just momentary. But,the love and relationship stays. No argument is long term till we want it to be. An "I love You" and a smile, and everything is forgotten. :) 

All that said, I wish some expert told me how long the terrible twos usually lasted!!! - A Harassed Mom. ;)