Boy of Routines

I am not sure if it is a trait all little ones have or if it's just a 'Sid trait'. But even as a little baby, everything, every single little thing, especially that he enjoyed a lot, always became a routine, almost religious in its repetition and perfection. This means, an event, a game, a dialogue, anything that took place spontaneously one time and was enjoyed then, had to be played out like a scene, like purposefully creating, living, a déjà vu. 

This one really is a little tough to explain in words here. You have to see how deliberate and thought out the 'silliness' is, to realize that things have ceased being silly really and are now a planned, enacted play, no matter how silly the actual routine looks like.

Let’s see. So one day, Sid and I are lying in the bed being silly and Sid is excessively giggly. He makes some weird sounding words which I repeat and ask "What?! What is that?" in a funny, confused tone and he bursts into a fit of giggles. He kept doing this for some time bursting into uncontrollable laughter every time I repeated the words and the question.  This was months and months back. Then a few weeks back, when we were getting ready for bed, Sid suddenly remembered and repeated the same set of gibberish. When I didn't  seem to get it at first, he actually repeated what should  be my exact response verbatim, with the right words AND funny sounding tone. However, this time he quickly realized it was not very funny anymore (Big boy and all that) and moved on.

I had noticed this in Sid from very very early days. Every single thing he said, did, every action, every song and dance, every conversation session, every random act of play, everything in his life becomes a kind of set routine such that the next time he sings that song, reads that book, says some silly sentence or just decides to play some random game, he expects us to follow up with the exact same word/actions we did last time.

Another example is when Sid  is getting into the car to go to school. He pauses and looks at the black rubber (washer?) parts that jut out at the open end of the door, examines them, asks me what they are and if he may pull them out. The first day I explained to him about the parts being there so as to close the door securely and that they definitely may not be pulled out. And from then, every single day he has paused before entering the car, looked carefully at those things and asked me the same question with a very knowing, naughty smile.

Another one is when we are about to leave the car to enter the school and I take his bag and water bottle. One day he asked me to take my bag as well so I could join him at school. I laughed and explained why that wasn't possible. Since then, every single day the same naughty, knowing, "Oh how much I love pulling your leg" look returns and he asks me to take my bag as well, while leaving.

There are a hundred other such examples that I can narrate here. Especially because of months and months of repetition, there is hardly any chance of my forgetting them. Similar are play routines. If one day he does some silly act and I say something and then he says something and it becomes a fun narrative, then every time after that he wants the same narrative to play out. 

This makes me wonder. 

I wonder if he even enjoys these games because they are games no more. 

I wonder if he is having any fun doing them because they are not fun, spontaneous, silly and crazy things that they were the first time. 

Why does he feel this need to play things out exactly as they were once? It is not “let's play and have fun" anymore because now it is "we have to make it exactly like the last time cos then we had lots of fun".

He does have loads of spontaneous fun with us when we initiate games and conversations.  However, if he starts to do something, it is always deliberate and played out. 

Wonder if it's a reflection of things to come. Hmmmmmm......

And they say women are hard to read. Whoever said that hasn't tried understanding the mechanics behind a child's mind, I'm sure. 

Cry Baby

And how!

When Sid was little baby, when his only option of communication was crying, he hardly ever came about as the crying kind. In fact, he cried very, very less. And so, every time he did cry I used to get extremely worried because I knew he wouldn't scream out like that with no good reason. A lot of people have criticized me saying "babies do cry", "Just leave him alone for some time" and other such stuff. I do agree with them, except, as a mother, one instinctively knows how much a child will react to various scenarios and discomforts and so, she will react when she believes the level of discomfort needs addressing. 

Anyway, I am digressing. Yes, so as a baby Sid did not cry at all. And now, here I am wishing he had just finished his crying quota right then. As a little baby, everything would have been brushed off under "how else will he let me know he is hungry/sleepy/thirsty/wet etc." And now? Now there is JUST NO EXCUSE.

Sid's temper tantrums redefine the term "Terrible Twos". And to think, this is actually a positive development stage, because most normally developing babies do go through this at around this age. In fact, as some experts put it "...you should always remember that your child isn't trying to be defiant or rebellious on purpose. He is just trying to express his growing independence and doesn't have the language skills to easily express his needs. This can also be the reason why your toddler frequently gets frustrated and resorts to hitting, biting, and temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way."

So, what do I say to myself when Sid is bawling at the top of his voice at 9 in the night asking to be taken to the park? I say "Yay! My son has developed into his next stage. Let's celebrate!" NOT.

In the best of times, I say (or think), "You KNOW the language. In fact, you speak it better than me. So, speak it to tell me instead of bawling and more importantly LISTEN to what I am saying because I know very well that you understand it". And, this is the best of times. (Sigh! I know. Don't shake your head, please.) 

But anyways, this is the stage where we are.Thing is, when in a decent mood, if Sid is told why he can't have/do a thing or go to a certain place, he is a very manageable. Calm, logical explanation is accepted without any tantrums at all and I LOVE him for that and feel so proud of him (as well as myself. :D)

But, if this happens when he is a little tired or close to sleep time, then hell hath no fury like....etc. etc. And, if he really doesn't manage to provoke me into refusing him anything normal, then he just picks up the weirdest of things he can ask for at that time of the night, knowing I'll have to refuse. Something like "I WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO RIGHT NOW" at sleep time. And, the moment I open my mouth to explain calmly how all the animals might have gone to sleep, and locked the gate behind them, like we do at home (logic that he usually understands and even loves to imagine, at other times) he scrunches up his face, and starts his ear splitting scream. And in two seconds of the start of this pretend cry, the tears start to rain. No. Pour. The crying happens in so much shock and angst, you would think I denied him something that he NEVER imagined could be denied and that was the most essential and obvious things he should have gotten at that moment. And then, because if not stemmed early, this crying goes on to a crescendo where he becomes unable to stop till the coughing and hiccuping start, I do everything from coaxing and explaining, to threatening (everything wrong, according to parenting experts) to get him to stop! Oh! this is a daily routine I am never going to get used to. Next stage please, already!!!

Anyways, the one good thing we do here is, after he has calmed down, Sid and I have a heart to heart where I ask him why he cried. His usual answer "I don't know". Then I ask him what he got from all that crying. He says "you scolded me and got upset. Nothing else". 

So I tell him (every single time, every single day) that crying gets us nothing. Cry if you are sad or hurt or upset but not because you want to throw a tantrum or think it will get you anything. I know he doesn't understand most of this right now. But, I also know this is one of the things I really want him to know, to eventually understand. The stages will come and go, but I think the life lesson needs to be learnt. The spoilt brat phase needs to be avoided.

I also know that all that scene we had and the "stop crying"s he heard would have created an unpleasantness that will only go away when we talk calmly about this topic, then about other things and till I tell him I love him, to which he usually quickly smiles, gives me a hug and sometimes promptly goes to sleep in my arms.

Know this baby, arguments and "fights" are just momentary. But,the love and relationship stays. No argument is long term till we want it to be. An "I love You" and a smile, and everything is forgotten. :) 

All that said, I wish some expert told me how long the terrible twos usually lasted!!! - A Harassed Mom. ;)

The Conversationalist

In conversation since Jul 2010

Because I wrote here yesterday, I took a closer look at the blog today and the most heartbreaking thing I saw was that the year 2012 had one post in it, just the one. And, we are already in September. But don't blame me. In this rush to keep up with all the development and growth and events and changes, I hardly get any time to log them stages. And most importantly, cos of all the important conversations we have been having. 

Sid seems to have been an early talker. He started forming full sentences since almost an year old. And yet, it was like a barrage breaking and him trying to make up for all the initial months, when he wanted to tell us so many things but did not know the words for it. Especially, "NO!", "I don't want", "I will not eat", "I want xyz..." AND "I want to go to the park". All in Malayalam. 

Yes, we do need to start him off in English and other languages soon, but try to get your toddler to do something you want and he doesn't, and you would know why trying anything else but the language most familiar with seems like the stupidest idea in the world. Especially when, even that, he suddenly seems to stop understanding.

He has been saying some very outrageous things recently that have me and mom simply stare at each other in shock and wonder "Where did THAT come from?!". And all this when the "questioning phase" has not even begun. From calling his grandmother a "naughty woman", very matter of fact-ly, because she did not do something he asked of her, to saying stuff like "ee ammayudey oru kaaryam" (I don't even know how to translate that into English!), if I did something sloppy or a little silly, he has all of us wondering from where and how quickly he picks up this stuff.

It is not really the exact "topic" of conversations or even the way he says them that are shocking as compared to the actual words he uses to express them. Simply put, he has this ancestral, old man style of presenting things.

 A couple of incidents:

Sid: "And you know what happens next?!"

The other day we were going out to meet friend N and he probably pciked up from some conversation at home that that was who we were going to meet. However, while waiting for N on the way, I told him we were going to meet friend P. Pat comes the reply "Nammalkku thalkkaalam 'N'indey koodey maatram poyaal mathi. Kurachu kazhinju 'P'ineyum kaanaam."
Now, I can't explain why that sentence is shocking. It is not the preference he expressed but the words he used and the way he frames the sentences. Trying to explain in normal English would be to say "Let us go out with N for the time being. Then, in a few moments, we shall meet P as well" instead of "we will meet N now and P later". (You notice the things I have written in bold? Yeah. Those are his "regular speech" words. One thing is for sure, I am not the source at all).

A new tact the fellow has learnt is that it is easier to spell out a compromise than a loud "NO". So, when I ask him to come for a bath in the morning, he says very sweetly and seriously, "nammalkku kurachu neram koodi kalichittu poyi vegam kulikkaam". The closest English translation may be "We shall play for a while longer and then go take a quick shower".

I know, when I mention them here they are simple conversations, not much to report. But to me, hearing new words and sentences from him, words and sentence formations that I didn't realize he knew, is quite an experience. And then to hear him speak a slightly more formal, proper word or sentence, words and sentences that we usually don't even use in day to day speech, is even more astounding. Call me an "unnecessarily" proud mother if you may, this guy shocks us every single day with some of the things he says.

A nighty-night story for mom

Verticality - Getting there

A lot of things, thoughts, have been running around in my head and yet I am unable to reign any one thought in enough to dwell over it and put it down into coherent words. In truth I am yet to break free  of the hibernation mode. Hence the long days of silence. Anyhow, I decided to try and resume writing by taking the easy way out - journalling Sid's latest developments.

Onto Two Little Feet: Its really amazing how we take for granted acts like standing, walking and running, considering how difficult it is to actually just get off our bums and onto two very unstable little feet. To get a hold someplace (mostly very wrong places like ends of a bed sheet) then attempt to pull oneself up, keep falling back onto your bum till finally you manage to get up; And all for what, just as things start looking interesting on the new surface and you excitedly extend your hands to grab something, you are back on your bum, and this time the fall is very hard too (from all that height). Wow! watching this cycle gives one a new appreciation of the things we do with ease, without thinking twice. More importantly it teaches us what determination is. Just to keep on and on at something that is so painful and difficult till one gets it so right one doesn't have to think twice about it. You gotta learn it from these little ones. Anyhow, Sid is currently (as of late November) at this painful stage.

 

What has now become a "can do with no effort" activity is sitting up and playing. all the see-sawing and falling off has finally, thankfully ended. (though of course, it was less painful to fall while sitting compared to while standing)

 



serious speech



 Talkie Talk: Communication has progressed to a lot of single syllable sounds like ta-ta, tha tha,  and so on. He looks at the respective thing when asked where the light is, fan is, where Danny is, or the Christmas star. He knows where to look for flowers ("poo" in Malayalam) in the garden and has learned to say poo as well. He has started saying "atha" and only calls for "amma" (mom) when he is crying or wants something. All the baby sounds he makes has finally made communication a 2-way process of speaking if not hearing and understanding.

Food, The New Struggle: I do realise that I have written an entire article about the difficulties of feeding but however much I write, it seems I haven't even begun to cover the difficulties. How I wish babies, who otherwise are really intelligent you know, had been born with the basic understanding that food can assuage hunger. its a really vicious circle. Hunger makes him cranky - cranky makes him difficult to sit at a place or open his mouth - thus becoming more hungry!

The Games We Play:

Break the Glass - Course, the ultimate favorite thing right now, as soon as he is left on the ground, is to hold on to the centre table, climb up and bang on the glass top as hard as possible. really scary game.



pushing the chair round



Mover Boy: Another latest fad is to sit at the leg of any furniture and try to drag it back and forth. The hospital provided plastic chair are real fun cos they actually move and make a lot of noise. However, Sid tries this on everything, from suitcases under the bed to the bed itself.

Pick and Drop: Nah! this isn't about techie travel tails. Sid's latest game is to throw everything onto the ground and then have them picked up by others, repeatedly. Also, as soon as he sees anything on the surface of the table it all goes down in a single swish. That's rather more convenient to bang the table top.

Tabla Boy: So right after he sees something new and before it goes into his mouth his latest interest is to hit it again and again with his hands to see if it makes any interesting noise, oh uh I mean sound. 

That and a million other wonderful instances as well as not so wonderful eating (read not eating) and sleeping (read sleepless) and falling (read head bumps) instances have made the last month fun for mama and Sid.



biting away at mama's hand



SIXER

Once again, this post is a conjunction of what should ideally have been many different regularly updated posts. However, due to extremely hectic developmental days (the same ones that I should be writing about), my own laziness and more importantly because it is much more fun to be enjoying Sid than writing about him, I have been putting the whole baby diary bit in the back burner. Finally, since a new month starts today, and he is past his 6 months landmark, I decided to update all the interesting tit bits of the last month.

Blabber Boo Bits: 

In the middle of a speech



The month began with a lot of bubble blowing, pffffffffft and pa poo sounds. The most delighted with this development was granddad who kept repeating "appuppa" (grandfather in Malayalam) to Sid and Sid seemed to be managing a very similar sounding response. However, like with all his practices this one also lasted only for a 2-3 days (I'm very thankful for that time frame especially with regards to the screaming bit). This progressed to an inward breathing "ka" sound which was very weird but seemed to thrill Sid. The essence of all the special thrills with these stages is having everyone repeat after him and Sid tends to find that hilarious. And since the universe thrives to make a baby laugh, the house has become a constant babble of meaningless repetitions.

And now, since yesterday, Sid has slowly started conversing in ak ka ka ka sounds. Especially when everyone around him is talking to each other, he tends to go ak ka ka in varying pitches and volumes like its part of the conversation. 



Crawlingly Mobile:

Learning to Crawl



After all the turning, toppling and moving in reverse, Sid finally decided to pull himself forward. This happened about a week back and now we are crawling "worm style" full force forward. Right now I'm really glad I am not the one to wash his clothes cos they are as good as a mop by the time he has dragged himself around half the house on his chest, especially since his favourite places are under tables, chairs and beds. Hope he gets off his chest and onto his hands and knees very soon for the sake of his clothes. His favorite pass time at the moment is to chase plastic bottles (when one is looking. The moment you turn he will be lunging after floor mats and slippers!).

The weirdest moment was last day when Sid thought it was a game that whenever he tried to follow mama into a particular room she came running, put him back outside and then disappeared again. Actually though, it wasn't a game. I just had to use the restroom and as usual left the door open to ensure I could hear Sid, never imagining him to follow me  inside, crawling (yeesh!).

Games and Fun



His grandma has been singing to him a sweet little Malayalam rhyme of 4 lines accompanied by closing and opening of her fist  for about 3 months now. Finally her patience paid off when last week he started closing and opening his fist right back at her. Eventually he just had to hear the rhyme to start opening and closing his fist. Now he opens and closes it at everyone leaving outsiders bewildered at the gesture.

Misc New Habits

• 

  

  A few Seconds of Sitting

  
  Weird Sitter: Sid has been trying to pull himself up to a sitting position from his back by holding our hands. Has been trying this for quiet some time. Now all he needs is just some place to hold with one hand while pushing hi,self up with the other. With a tiny nudge from us he can now reach a sitting position and hold it for some seconds too by himself. This is kind of weird though as normally babies are known to start sitting up while lying on their tummies.
• 
  Scary Girls:  We have discovered that when faced by strangers, he smiles at/ does not cry when men pick him up or play with him but cries or looks away when women do the same.
• Mama's Pet: A new developent this month is Sid's special attachment to Moi. Even when around his grandpa and grandma, he has to know I am around and whenever he sees me I recieve huge smiles of pleasure. Even to sleep, eat and everything he needs his mama, and grandma is not enough. Now this is all very flattering and I am at the top of the world, but then a little free time would also be highly appreciated.
• Time Waster: Sleep (especially at day time) has gone down even further (like I had ever thought that possible!) now that there are so many better ways to spend time and so many new corners to explore. There are nights though I get about an hours sleep at times instead of half hour and so on. I'm hoping and praying these are signs of improvement. (Thought long and hard about writing that one. Didn't wanna jinx it).

I am sure there are many more tit bits that I am missing and will have to add in later. However, for the time being I stop right here as this has gone on long enough time wise and space wise. By the way, since I started this post 2 days back, I have realised that its not that I am lazy, I really am not getting any time whatsoever to sit down and write posts in between meal making, retrieving slippers and stuff from Sid and retrieving Sid himself from under beds and tables.  

I Scream, U Scream, V All Scream for...NOTHING

As on around 20th Sept, we have learnt a new form of communication, and that is to scream at the top of our lungs. It is not the angry scream or the one that is used when crying. It is just a "closed eye, full of purpose, ear shattering, earth moving" scream that is followed by a calm serene serious expression that means I just did/said something very natural. A high pitched, shrill, shrieky sound followed by regular carrying on of business.Initially, it left everyone around bewildered, now it just has everyone shaking their heads and rubbing their ears to get the ringing out.
The previous phase of communication was a constant gurgling/gargling sound and everyone was waiting for that to get over. That eventually stopped to every ones relief only to be followed by this.


The best thing is the timing. Sid's scream time is around 0100pm to 0400pm when his grandpa has just finished lunch n lies down to sleep before waking up again and going to work. Hey grandpa, don't mind, I am just growing up.