But, Of course!

Sid has this habit of having breakfast on his bed, watching one of his favorite animated movie. Have been trying to get him out of the habit but it is the one thing he is adamantly holding on to. It is as if that is what sets the mood for the day, kick starts it for him.

Good morning! Up from the pillow and hello Tangled.
Or, were we serious about Buzz rescuing Woody? 

Now the new problem we are facing is...ANTS. The last couple of days, these tiny, tiny ants have started appearing all over the bed and giving all of us some tough times, especially the baby skin fella. So last night I explained to Sid why he will be having breakfast at the dining table, just like all other meals. Surprisingly, he was pretty agreeable to the idea, probably cos as they say, once bitten...etc., quite literally.

This morning, I had his breakfast on his plate and asked him to come over to the dining table. He had forgotten the conversation from last night, of course (I guess, the "shy" lasts only so long), and insisted we go upstairs to the bedroom. So, I very sweetly reminded him about the teeny ants that bite and make him itch (in an effort to avoid extra efforts) and in under two seconds comes the reply "then go bring you laptop downstairs" in the 'But, Of course!' tone. (Or maybe 'Are you stupid?' tone?) Sigh! 

"It's Who You Are"

A song by A J Michelka.

This day started with me being lucky enough to read a beautiful message written by my closest friend and then mother-to-be, to her precious little daughter who was yet to be born. The little darling arrived on Dec 2011 and has now bloomed into a beautiful, beautiful angel whom I was so lucky to meet earlier this month. :)

By the end of the message, I was so touched and (obviously) had moist eyes and I was so, so sure I had to share this message with you, cos no matter how many times I say this, it will not feel enough in these times of fierce competition, comparisons and peer pressure. 

So I immediately went searching for the song. And the song itself is so very beautiful,

Dear boy, I have said this before in that little message I had written to you the other day, and here I am saying it again through this song. All that matters is "who YOU are". At the end of it, that is all it is. Do things for yourself, do things that make you happy without stepping over others, do things that don't hurt others because honey, that's who YOU are. :)

And I will always, Always love you for being this person I was blessed to have as my son, no matter what comes and goes in the way.

Thank you so much Teena, for sharing the post with me this day. :)

Cry Baby

And how!

When Sid was little baby, when his only option of communication was crying, he hardly ever came about as the crying kind. In fact, he cried very, very less. And so, every time he did cry I used to get extremely worried because I knew he wouldn't scream out like that with no good reason. A lot of people have criticized me saying "babies do cry", "Just leave him alone for some time" and other such stuff. I do agree with them, except, as a mother, one instinctively knows how much a child will react to various scenarios and discomforts and so, she will react when she believes the level of discomfort needs addressing. 

Anyway, I am digressing. Yes, so as a baby Sid did not cry at all. And now, here I am wishing he had just finished his crying quota right then. As a little baby, everything would have been brushed off under "how else will he let me know he is hungry/sleepy/thirsty/wet etc." And now? Now there is JUST NO EXCUSE.

Sid's temper tantrums redefine the term "Terrible Twos". And to think, this is actually a positive development stage, because most normally developing babies do go through this at around this age. In fact, as some experts put it "...you should always remember that your child isn't trying to be defiant or rebellious on purpose. He is just trying to express his growing independence and doesn't have the language skills to easily express his needs. This can also be the reason why your toddler frequently gets frustrated and resorts to hitting, biting, and temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way."

So, what do I say to myself when Sid is bawling at the top of his voice at 9 in the night asking to be taken to the park? I say "Yay! My son has developed into his next stage. Let's celebrate!" NOT.

In the best of times, I say (or think), "You KNOW the language. In fact, you speak it better than me. So, speak it to tell me instead of bawling and more importantly LISTEN to what I am saying because I know very well that you understand it". And, this is the best of times. (Sigh! I know. Don't shake your head, please.) 

But anyways, this is the stage where we are.Thing is, when in a decent mood, if Sid is told why he can't have/do a thing or go to a certain place, he is a very manageable. Calm, logical explanation is accepted without any tantrums at all and I LOVE him for that and feel so proud of him (as well as myself. :D)

But, if this happens when he is a little tired or close to sleep time, then hell hath no fury like....etc. etc. And, if he really doesn't manage to provoke me into refusing him anything normal, then he just picks up the weirdest of things he can ask for at that time of the night, knowing I'll have to refuse. Something like "I WANT TO GO TO THE ZOO RIGHT NOW" at sleep time. And, the moment I open my mouth to explain calmly how all the animals might have gone to sleep, and locked the gate behind them, like we do at home (logic that he usually understands and even loves to imagine, at other times) he scrunches up his face, and starts his ear splitting scream. And in two seconds of the start of this pretend cry, the tears start to rain. No. Pour. The crying happens in so much shock and angst, you would think I denied him something that he NEVER imagined could be denied and that was the most essential and obvious things he should have gotten at that moment. And then, because if not stemmed early, this crying goes on to a crescendo where he becomes unable to stop till the coughing and hiccuping start, I do everything from coaxing and explaining, to threatening (everything wrong, according to parenting experts) to get him to stop! Oh! this is a daily routine I am never going to get used to. Next stage please, already!!!

Anyways, the one good thing we do here is, after he has calmed down, Sid and I have a heart to heart where I ask him why he cried. His usual answer "I don't know". Then I ask him what he got from all that crying. He says "you scolded me and got upset. Nothing else". 

So I tell him (every single time, every single day) that crying gets us nothing. Cry if you are sad or hurt or upset but not because you want to throw a tantrum or think it will get you anything. I know he doesn't understand most of this right now. But, I also know this is one of the things I really want him to know, to eventually understand. The stages will come and go, but I think the life lesson needs to be learnt. The spoilt brat phase needs to be avoided.

I also know that all that scene we had and the "stop crying"s he heard would have created an unpleasantness that will only go away when we talk calmly about this topic, then about other things and till I tell him I love him, to which he usually quickly smiles, gives me a hug and sometimes promptly goes to sleep in my arms.

Know this baby, arguments and "fights" are just momentary. But,the love and relationship stays. No argument is long term till we want it to be. An "I love You" and a smile, and everything is forgotten. :) 

All that said, I wish some expert told me how long the terrible twos usually lasted!!! - A Harassed Mom. ;)

The Conversationalist

In conversation since Jul 2010

Because I wrote here yesterday, I took a closer look at the blog today and the most heartbreaking thing I saw was that the year 2012 had one post in it, just the one. And, we are already in September. But don't blame me. In this rush to keep up with all the development and growth and events and changes, I hardly get any time to log them stages. And most importantly, cos of all the important conversations we have been having. 

Sid seems to have been an early talker. He started forming full sentences since almost an year old. And yet, it was like a barrage breaking and him trying to make up for all the initial months, when he wanted to tell us so many things but did not know the words for it. Especially, "NO!", "I don't want", "I will not eat", "I want xyz..." AND "I want to go to the park". All in Malayalam. 

Yes, we do need to start him off in English and other languages soon, but try to get your toddler to do something you want and he doesn't, and you would know why trying anything else but the language most familiar with seems like the stupidest idea in the world. Especially when, even that, he suddenly seems to stop understanding.

He has been saying some very outrageous things recently that have me and mom simply stare at each other in shock and wonder "Where did THAT come from?!". And all this when the "questioning phase" has not even begun. From calling his grandmother a "naughty woman", very matter of fact-ly, because she did not do something he asked of her, to saying stuff like "ee ammayudey oru kaaryam" (I don't even know how to translate that into English!), if I did something sloppy or a little silly, he has all of us wondering from where and how quickly he picks up this stuff.

It is not really the exact "topic" of conversations or even the way he says them that are shocking as compared to the actual words he uses to express them. Simply put, he has this ancestral, old man style of presenting things.

 A couple of incidents:

Sid: "And you know what happens next?!"

The other day we were going out to meet friend N and he probably pciked up from some conversation at home that that was who we were going to meet. However, while waiting for N on the way, I told him we were going to meet friend P. Pat comes the reply "Nammalkku thalkkaalam 'N'indey koodey maatram poyaal mathi. Kurachu kazhinju 'P'ineyum kaanaam."
Now, I can't explain why that sentence is shocking. It is not the preference he expressed but the words he used and the way he frames the sentences. Trying to explain in normal English would be to say "Let us go out with N for the time being. Then, in a few moments, we shall meet P as well" instead of "we will meet N now and P later". (You notice the things I have written in bold? Yeah. Those are his "regular speech" words. One thing is for sure, I am not the source at all).

A new tact the fellow has learnt is that it is easier to spell out a compromise than a loud "NO". So, when I ask him to come for a bath in the morning, he says very sweetly and seriously, "nammalkku kurachu neram koodi kalichittu poyi vegam kulikkaam". The closest English translation may be "We shall play for a while longer and then go take a quick shower".

I know, when I mention them here they are simple conversations, not much to report. But to me, hearing new words and sentences from him, words and sentence formations that I didn't realize he knew, is quite an experience. And then to hear him speak a slightly more formal, proper word or sentence, words and sentences that we usually don't even use in day to day speech, is even more astounding. Call me an "unnecessarily" proud mother if you may, this guy shocks us every single day with some of the things he says.

A nighty-night story for mom

Things Mom would like you to Know

Hey Baby,

I have been meaning to write you a letter since forever. The first time this idea stuck me was when I had acknowledged and gotten used to the fact that there was this little person that was growing inside me. There were so many things I wanted to tell you about this world that we would be bringing you into but, somehow that didn't happen. Then with each of your last two birthdays the thought fleeted by. Then there were so many events that happened in our lives last year, so many things that changed everything I thought our life would be to things that even I can't comprehend at this point, that I wanted to write the messages I learnt from them and feelings I felt during these times to you. And then through each of your stages, questions, looks, tantrums and strange habits that you gain  and (luckily) lose each week, I wanted to tell you so many things about you, me...and...us. Finally today, when it is not any significant date or year or event, when I came across another letter from a new mom to her daughter, when I have NOT collated and compiled all my thoughts even, that I am finally sitting down to write my letter to a not eve two and a half year old you. :)

 (PS. This means there are a never ending list of things I wish for you to know. Oh! But you already know THAT fact. :D )

1. You are my world.

 Before you happened I had no idea about the infinite quantity of love I was capable of. I look at you and realize that statements like "my heart brims over with love" are actual physical feelings that humans are capable of. You taught me me. You taught me the strength I had, because my darling, you will one day know the amount of sweet pain this love means and how much strength you need, to hold that much love inside. You ARE my whole world and I will ALWAYS love you no matter what (Read: no matter how mad you make me at times)

2. You are the best at being YOU. And only you can be that.

Makes you Happy, right?

Let no one tell you any different. In this world of unhealthy competition and crazy comparisons, never forget that you have been made a certain way and you are thoroughly loved for that. You have your own strengths and weaknesses, like every single person out there. I have no problem in you trying to do the impossible. In fact I'll be right there beside you supporting, applauding and in case it doesn't work, putting my arms around you (if that is what you need at that moment). However, do it for yourself. Do it only if it makes you happy and not because "everyone else is doing the same" or "that is the in thing" or any other such reasons that begin with "everybody".

3. Be Right, Be Happy

My only goal for you is that you learn to be happy. No need to conform. Be different. You will be judged. You will be tagged. But if it is not "wrong" (and I am counting on being able to raise you to know your rights and wrongs and make the right judgement because honey...

And if it makes you happy, then go ahead and be just that.
Your mother does NOT expect you to do things to make her happy. Your mother expects you to do things that you know are right AND that make you happy and she will be proud of you and happy in your happiness. 

Always remember that life will throw a lot of curve-balls at you. Learn to expect them, face them and be proud of yourself and not get pulled down by them.
Don't expect life to reach a point of happiness. Don't try to find Big happiness AFTER you have achieved certain goals or solved certain problems. Learn to be happy despite them, everyday, in small small ways. 

4. I'll always be proud of your efforts

Baby, your mom is just made that way. I will NEVER berate you for failures if I have seen you try. Of course I would exult in and celebrate your success and achievements. But what I would be the most proud of are your efforts. To watch you sincerely work hard, again and again even, at something would give me a world of pride and joy than to see you gaining things unjustly and too quickly. For, the things you gain like that would have no meaning or importance and would eventually give you no happiness.

5. Be an Outdoor person, please.

What I mean is Play.Some.Sport. I know you will have your smart phones and computer games, cartoon networks and DVDs, books and home works and in time your play stations as well. However, I really really want you to go out and breathe the air, get tanned, fall in the grass, run, jump, climb, swim, cycle...just PLAY outdoors.

6. Treat everyone with respect.

Unfortunately in today's world, there are all kinds of tags out there. You may even receive a few. All I can count on is I am bringing up a real person who will always have the sense to remember that every single being he meets is an individual, a person worthy of love, respect, understanding, friendship and least of all a CHANCE and not, NEVER EVER a tag, be it race, caste, religion, color, region, gender ANYTHING. Here also I would like you to remember that different is NOT BAD. Meet people, like people, everyone is an individual, not a general classification.

7. Love Animals

Ok. I know I cannot force this one on you no matter how much I want. So, if you are the kind who doesn't enjoy the company of the furry or the feathered, I can (try and) understand that that is just how you are. But remember NEVER to hurt them. They are here for a reason. This is as much their planet as ours. In fact, they do way less harm to this planet than we do. They can't talk and they can't express pain and you don't get to GIVE THEM ANY.

8. Be a gentleman 

Be a protector, a brother, a gentleman

This includes a lot of things, treating women with respect being top of the list. This also includes not dressing in pants 5 sizes too loose or looking like a walking canvas. This also means watching your language, treating elders with care and consideration, helping the needy and simply being a polite and likable boy. This means being a brother, a protector, a pillar to the people around you. I hope you find the merits of all of this soon enough.

9. Cry - It is normal. 

Sadness is an emotion and crying is an expression and yes, boys (and men) DO cry. And while you are at it, always remember that expressions are the key to relationships. Express love, express happiness, express pain and sadness, express anger as well, but just like everything else, overdoing it might cause you and people close to you harm. But remember, unlike a uterus, God did give men tear ducts. 

10. Make friends, eventually they matter the most 

As they say, we don't get to chose our relatives. Friends are the only special people in our lives that we get to choose and keep. Love them, keep them and always value them. Number of friends you have don't matter (yes, yes I know Facebook or whatever else you will have then). What matters is you have the kind who NEVER make you feel alone in this world when you really need them. Believe me son, I am here, me, on this date, writing this letter to you with so much sanity and clarity, all thanks to some really God given gems.

11. Find your passions - they are free therapy.

I have had my shares of ups and downs in life. So have your grandparents. Hopefully over the years, over a lot of shared coffee and conversations and stories and moments you will hear and be part of and proud of each of these tales that made us, us and you, you. However, one thing that I turned to at some really testing times was my passions. Reading, playing a bit with colors, a little crocheting, a little cleaning and rearranging our home, some crafts, anything. Find your passion, find your creative streak and lo! you find your free therapy. It could be music, sketching, painting, musical instruments, dance, photography, you name it. And remember: you don't HAVE to be good at it. It is for YOU to enjoy doing only. It is to make you happy. :)

12. I hope we will always be best friends

I took the following lines from something I had read some time back:

"there is an old adage that starts, "A son is a son till he takes a wife..." Over time, I pray our bond stays strong enough to disprove this saying.

13.  Read. 

There are so many worlds out there.

May beautiful worlds around you

I agree that it is a matter of personal choice. You may or may not find pleasure in books. But I would like you to give it a few tries. I lived my life through many, many lives and many worlds. I lived my life knowing fairy creatures and worlds on top of trees, I lived my life knowing murder investigators and jailbirds (this, from one of my favorite books). I lived my life knowing sensible butlers and funny masters. And so many many more. And I love each one of them. You really don't see much of this world if you don't see them through the pages of the book as well.

14. Explore the world, explore your limits.

Yes. Travel. But in other words, take the road less travelled. I don't want you to ever feel that you missed out in life for the lack of chances. Take yours. Have your adventures.

15. This will ALWAYS be your home. I will ALWAYS be here for you. Yes, you will make your own life and have your own family, you will travel all those less travelled paths, you will succeed, you might fail, we might have our arguments and disagreements, but remember, you ARE my whole world and forever will be and I will always always be the same mother that was born with you on 6th April, 2010. I will always love and cherish you and I will always be here to welcome you home whenever you feel like it.

I'll be here to hold your hand through every storm.